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  1. #16
    Senior Member torell's Avatar
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    ^^^ a set of 3 jokes starting with 1 up there

    whats brown and sticky?
    a brown stick

    whats blue and fluffy?
    blue fluff

    whats red and fluffy?
    blue fluff in disguise!

  2. #17
    PA Resident SAKI's Avatar
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    Ahaa... so much is lost in translation on a forum.. lol.

    A Drover walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side. He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute. Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink. The crowd murmured their approval. the man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his Johnson and related parts in the crocodile's open mouth. The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the crocodile hard on the top of its head. The croc opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
    The crowd cheered, And the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. 'I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try.' A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A Blonde woman timidly spoke up.......... "I'll try it - just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!"
    Quote Originally Posted by brash22 View Post
    You sir are mad. Like lock you in the nuthouse mad.
    Quote Originally Posted by Manabir View Post
    You sir are a prelude obsessed freak.
    Quote Originally Posted by hiru View Post
    you sir, are a prelunatic.

  3. #18
    PA Resident SAKI's Avatar
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    Not really a joke but funny nonetheless:

    Dog For Sale
    * Free to good home.
    * Excellent guard dog.
    * Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more thieves, murderers, or molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat.
    * Most of them knew him as 'Holy Shit.

    Quote Originally Posted by brash22 View Post
    You sir are mad. Like lock you in the nuthouse mad.
    Quote Originally Posted by Manabir View Post
    You sir are a prelude obsessed freak.
    Quote Originally Posted by hiru View Post
    you sir, are a prelunatic.

  4. #19
    Gold Member JSpec's Avatar
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    2 muffins were in the oven. The first muffin turns to the other and says, "Man it's getting hot in here!" Muffin 2 looks over and shouts "Oh my goodness, a talking muffin!!!"

    Want to see my car? Click here!
    ....................

  5. #20
    Regular Member IainLovesHisLude's Avatar
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    Two engineers are walking to class when one says, “Where’d you get such a great bike?”
    The second engineer replies, “Well yesterday I was on my way home when this beautiful girl rode in front of me, tossed the bike and her clothes to the ground and declared, ‘Take what you want!’”
    The first engineer nods in approval, “Good choice - the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”

    ~~~~~~~~~~

    Two Irish ladies were at the wake for their dear friend. “Poor Mollie,” said the first woman, looking down at the body, “she had such a hard life. First she married Mike, who gave her five crying children in six years. He beat her and never worked a day in his life. Then Mike up and died, and she married Johnny, who was even worse, giving her seven more children and not a penny of support. He was drunk all the time until he died, too. And now Mollie is gone, worked to death taking care of those 12 kids.”

    “Well, at least they are together at last,” replied the second woman.

    “You mean together in Heaven?” asked the first woman. “But is Mollie together with Mike or with Johnny?”

    “I was referring to her legs.”

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    A penguin, bored with the Antarctic weather, was on holiday driving through outback Australia when he started hearing a strange knocking sound from the car’s engine. Knowing how dangerous it would be for a polar sea-bird to be stuck in the middle of the desert, he quickly pulled into the next service-station.

    The mechanic took a quick look at the car, and said “Mate, it’ll take me a few minutes to find out what’s going on”, so the penguin ducked (penguined?) into the shop and bought an ice-cream. Unfortunately, the hot sun was melting the ice-cream, and penguin flippers not being the most dextrous of limbs, he got as much ice-cream on his face as he did in his mouth.

    Rather annoyed now, the penguin went back to the mechanic to see what was wrong. The mechanic looked at the penguin for a moment, and shook his head.

    “Mate, I’m sorry, but it looks like you’ve blown a seal.”

    “No, no!”, replied the penguin. “It’s only ice-cream!”
    Hi, I'm Iain, your local PA Techxspert.











    Promoting correct grammar and punctuation!

  6. #21
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    A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens to be her husbands best friend.

    They have sex for hours, and afterwards, while they're lying, shattered in bed, the phone rings.

    It being the woman's house, she picks up the phone.

    Her lover looks over at her and listens in, hearing only her side of the conversation......

    Speaking in a cheery voice, she says "Hello?

    Oh, hi! I'm so glad you called. Really?

    That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds really terrific.
    Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."

    She hangs up the phone and her lover asks, "who was that?"

    "Oh" she replies, "That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

  7. #22
    Regular Member TurboLude_on19's Avatar
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    A young sailor was sitting in a bar having a few drinks when he looks over and sees a pirate. The pirate has a wooden peg-leg, a hook for a hand, and patch over his eye. Unable to resist, the sailor asks “How’d you end up with a peg-leg?”

    “I was swept overboard during a fierce storm,” says the pirate. “and a bloody shark bit off me whole darn leg!”

    “Holy cow!” said the sailor. “What about the hook, how’d you get that?”

    “Me crew and I were boarding an enemy ship, a fierce sword battle ensued. One of them cut me darn arm!”

    “Absolutely incredible!” gasped the sailor. “And the eye patch, tell me how you got that?”

    “A bloody seagull dropping fell into me eye,” replied the pirate.

    “Umm, you lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” asked the sailor, admonished.

    Embarassed, the pirate answered “It was me first day with the hook.”

  8. #23
    Senior Member damienPOWER's Avatar
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    I hope pictures are alright.


  9. #24
    Regular Member IainLovesHisLude's Avatar
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    Carrie Loves It
    It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. "Carrie's not ready yet. Why don't you have a seat?,"

    Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.

    "Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it!" Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby — so he asks Carrie's dad to repeat himself.

    "Yeah," says Carrie's father, "Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!"

    A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.

    About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father: ''Dad, it's called the twist!''
    Hi, I'm Iain, your local PA Techxspert.











    Promoting correct grammar and punctuation!

  10. #25
    Senior Member torell's Avatar
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    whys the koala fall out of the tree?

    cos it was dead

    whyd the 2nd koala fall out of the tree?

    cos it was holding on to the 1st koala!

    whyd the 3rd koala fall out of the tree?

    peer pressure.

    how do you get a geraffe in the fridge?

    open the door, put in the geraffe, close the door.

    how do u get a elephant in the fridge?

    open the door, take out the geraffe, put in the elephant n close the door.

    theres a big party on in the top end of the forest, all the animals have gone there, so you decide to go. half way there you find a crocadile infested river, how do u get through?

    you walk, cos the crocodiles are at the party.

    you get to the party, but theres no elephant. wheres the elephant?

    in the fridge ><

    what do you do if theres an elephant coming through the window?

    swim for your life!

  11. #26
    PA Resident SAKI's Avatar
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    Last edited by SAKI; 12th April 2008 at 03:59 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by brash22 View Post
    You sir are mad. Like lock you in the nuthouse mad.
    Quote Originally Posted by Manabir View Post
    You sir are a prelude obsessed freak.
    Quote Originally Posted by hiru View Post
    you sir, are a prelunatic.

  12. #27
    Senior Member daimonson1024's Avatar
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    what do u do if u come across a tiger in the jungle?



    wipe him off and run like hell

  13. #28
    PA Janitor Bob's Avatar
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    Car jokes

    Did u know 80 percent of chevys are still on the road... the other 20 percent made it home

    Q) Whats the difference in a golf ball and a ford?
    A) You can drive a golf ball over 200 yards.

    After a car crash one of the drivers is lying injured at the side of the road. 'Don't worry,' said a policeman, a Red Cross nurse is coming to attend to you.'
    Oh no,' groaned the victim, 'couldn't I have a blonde, cheerful one?'

    You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

    A man was caught for speeding and went before the judge. The judge said, "What will you take: 30 days or $30?" The man thought and replied, "I think I'll take the money."

  14. #29
    Junior Member Juiced boi's Avatar
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    A Girl Walks Into A Bar.... She Broke Her Nose =)
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Did you hear about ray charles dying? Yeah i heard he didnt see it coming.
    ---------------------------------------------------
    =)

  15. #30
    PA Janitor Bob's Avatar
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    Got this in an e-mail today. Bloody funny.

    Air traffic control (or lack of it)


    Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock , 6 miles!"
    Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"


    ************************************************** **********************


    *
    Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
    TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up
    here?"
    Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a
    727?"


    ************************************************** **********************


    *
    From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm
    f...ing bored!"
    Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
    immediately!"
    Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"


    ************************************************** **********************


    *
    O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a
    Fokker, one o'clock , three miles, Eastbound."
    United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got the
    little Fokker in sight."


    ************************************************** **********************


    *
    A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While
    attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your
    last known position?"
    Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."


    ************************************************** **********************


    *
    A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll
    out after touching down.
    San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end
    of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe
    exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the
    airport."

    ************************************************** **********************


    *
    A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard
    the
    following:
    Lufthansa (in German): " Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
    Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
    Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
    Germany . Why must I speak English?"
    Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
    "Because you lost the bloody war!"


    ************************************************** **********************


    *
    Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency
    124.7"
    Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,
    after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of
    the runway."
    Tower: " Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
    contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from
    Eastern 702?"
    BR Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and
    yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."


    ************************************************** **********************


    *
    One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short
    of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out,
    turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted
    comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little
    plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
    The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a
    real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours
    and I'll have enough parts for another one."




    ************************************************** **********************


    *
    The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
    short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking
    location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it
    was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following
    exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747,
    call sign Speedbird 206.
    Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! clear of active runway."
    Ground: "Speedbird 206 Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
    The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
    Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
    Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
    Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not
    been to Frankfurt before?"
    Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I
    didn't land."


    ************************************************** **********************


    *
    While taxiing at London's, Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air
    flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to
    nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at
    the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?
    I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on
    Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the
    difference between C and D, but get it right!"

    Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
    hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever
    to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you
    to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour,
    and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how
    I tell you!
    You got that, US Air 2771?"

    "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

    Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly
    silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance
    engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind.
    Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.

    Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone,
    asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

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