The Official Jokes Thread

[phattzy]

2 couples were at a resort and the 1st husband said to the 2nd husband we should swap wifes for the night , the 2nd agreed and both convinced there wifes to participate . while at dinner the 1st husband said to the 2nd husband in the morning when having breakfast grab your spoon and tap your coffee cup the amount of times you do it with the others wife ? dinner had finished and the 1st husband had raced up to room early as he know his wife was on her rags and he was in for a win for sure . the next morning both couples were at breakfast and the first husband taps his cup 3 times !!!! wow thought the 2nd husband but then from him was 1 tap on the strawberry jam and 2 taps on the vegimite !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SnowWhiteLude]

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired, "Where have you been?"

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds "Look, Michael. Look what I've made." The Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God and I've put life on it… I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused.."

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth.. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things.” God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to an island and said, "What's that one?" "That's Australia, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains. The people from Australia are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, great sportsmen and producers of good things"

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance..."







God smiled, "Close to Australia are two islands I’ve called New Zealand. Wait till you see the muppets I put there."

[The Lude]

But we didn't start in Australia...we colonized it later?

[gumus89]

There is also no God. I think its meant to be a joke .__.

[SnowWhiteLude]

Seeing as it is in the jokes thread, I reckon you may just be on to something there my dear Watson.

[Bob]

A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Gillard fans.

Not really knowing what a Gillard fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny..

The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different
Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not a Gillard fan."

The teacher asked, "Why aren't you a fan of Gillard?" Johnny said, "Because I'm a Liberal."

The teacher asked him why he's a Liberal. Little Johnny answered, "Well, my Mom's a Liberal and my Dad's a Liberal, so I'm a Liberal."

Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, "If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"

With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, "That would make me a Gillard fan."

[Dragonbec]

What's the difference between a Ferrari and a porcupine?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside

[Hubert]

Lolxx very funny...

A taxi passenger touched d driver on shouldr 2 ask smthng
Driver screamed, lost control of the car, went up on the footpath & Stopped few centimeters frm a shop
The driver said:
“Don’t ever do that again, u scared me”
Pasengr apologized n said:
“I didn’t realize a litle touch wud scare u so much”
Driver replied:
“Sory, it’s nt ur fault
its my 1st day as a Cab driver, I’ve been driving a van carying dead bodies for last 25 yrs;-)

[vanamond]

Here is my contribution:
What goes 99-clonk, 99-clonk, 99-clonk? A centipede with a wooden leg!
p.s. I loved your jokes, thank you all.

[Alice12345]

i got a joke that anavar-review-results its coming home football fans will understand this xD